Bullying at the Ballot Box

©2024 Gail Pursell Elliott

With a new election year, comes a deluge of television advertising, passionate candidates, and impassioned supporters. Unfortunately in recent years, people who work at polling centers, many who volunteer their time, have been subjected to Bullying and Mobbing. The perpetrators are campaign workers or voters who support a candidate to the extent that they will harass people coming to the polling site or accuse the workers of dishonest behavior.

Living in Iowa has brought a lot of this disrespectful behavior into closer view for me recently. The extremes of opinion get verbalized in many venues both political and non-political, in social situations and in work situations alike. With the Caucuses over here, many breathe a sigh of relief that some of the deluge has dissipated for now. But the labeling regarding political affiliation continues to occur among citizens, whether true or not. 

This pre-election cycle is where Mobbing behaviors are rampant. Rumors fly. False accusations or innuendoes are circulated. There are people who will pick up and repeat these as truth. There are others who will try to verify what has been stated before forming opinions, but often the irrational and or outrageous is more newsworthy or exciting to share. The candidates often don’t help themselves, just as other targets of Mobbing don’t.

One of the characteristics of Mobbing is the use of hearsay rather than fact or using it in a joking fashion that may have a kernel of truth to it surrounded by unsubstantiated supposition. The supposition gets carried along and becomes part of an opinion that is used to discredit. The goal of course is to force the person out or into submission.

Another characteristic of Mobbing is factionalism, which also is apparent and shows itself in both subtle and extreme behaviors by the different factions. In a company workplace, extreme behaviors may be addressed by HR, while subtle behaviors may go unnoticed or disregarded as not being disruptive. In the political climate the extremes are engineered to be noticed.

I get together with a diverse group of friends every month or so. We have drinks, snacks, and conversation. The hostess has a big sign where we gather that says NO POLITICS. We all follow that rule, and we have a good time. If someone brings up a political comment, the others smile and point to the sign, and it stops.

I also have friends on Face Book whose politics are very different than mine. These are friends I have known personally or with whom I have worked. When these friends post something with which I disagree I scroll past it as this has nothing to do with our friendship in other areas. Other posters I know of have lost friends and acquaintances due to extreme political views.

Dignity, respect, and civility are necessary to keep personal opinions just that, personal, without using them to create vendettas or generally paint individuals with a wide brush. Judgements about the rest of a person’s life based on their opinions about one issue are preposterous but happen daily. It can be difficult to view each person as a human being, past the first impression, past the stereotype, but it is necessary to maintain civility in these times. Not doing so breeds anger and sometimes violence built on nothing more than an opinion that festered without any insight.  This we’ve seen erupt many times in our recent history.

The point is that Mobbing and Bullying exist in a wide range of workplaces in our culture. Whether paid or volunteer, whether political or not. While varying opinions can be honored or at least tolerated, Bullying and Mobbing cannot.

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Gail Pursell Elliott, is known as the Dignity and Respect Lady and has been writing and presenting about Mobbing and Bullying since 1998. She is an expert in the field and has appeared on television, radio, and talk shows. She is the author of several books and has been writing the Bully at Work column for Workplace Violence Today since its inception.

To contact Gail, visit her website at https://innovations-training.com.

She would welcome the opportunity to Consult with your organization, or to Speak at your event.

Leave It At The Door

©2023 Gail Pursell Elliott

When I was in college, which was many years ago, I was horrified when someone painted swastikas on some buildings. During that time, there was coverage in the school paper and an impressive letter to the editor, written by a Jewish student. She and I became lifelong friends. I had Jewish friends in high school and made more after going to college. I had black friends in school, too, as well as friends from other countries, faiths, and backgrounds. We were just friends, not compartmentalized by any of our backgrounds.  The idea that anyone would want to resurrect that image of discrimination and hatred was reprehensible to me.

Over the past ten years or so, I’ve watched the emergence of expressions of unabashed bigotry, accompanied by an increase in violent acts. Civility and restraint are far from the status quo. There are those who think any overt actions are their right. Politicians and current world events have triggered additional disturbing reactions in the past few months. Now we are seeing more hateful and threatening messages scrawled on college walls. We have seen an increase in nazi-like groups, antisemitism, racism, and other ‘isms and these attitudes have now begun to surface with a vengeance.

No one is immune to exposure to the news, even second hand, and we all have opinions and viewpoints of our own. Most of us have our own personal preferences and biases based on our life experiences or lack of experience with groups of people different from our own. Our workplaces are not isolated from what is happening around us. While we have discrimination laws and policies, which are designed to control behavior, attitudes are controlled by each individual. The more diversity training emphasizing understanding and acceptance is placed on a back burner or eliminated, the fewer opportunities people have to adjust their attitudes and widen their perspectives.

This brings to mind a book written by Eric Hoffer in 1951, The True Believer. In his book, he examines how mass movements emerge and their contributing dynamics. I see a connection between the mobbing process and some of the points made in his book. Although Mobbing within an organization is on a smaller scale, the dynamics are similar. Hoffer’s book was reissued in 2010, on Amazon as a perennial classic.

If factionalism and disruptive behavior is becoming more evident in society, it cannot help but emerge in some form in the workplace. We have seen past evidence of racially based bullying and mobbing in the workplace many times. Rumors, whispered judging of someone’s lifestyle, unkind joking, are indicators of mobbing. When they begin to be used to isolate, intimidate, and push someone out, then a full mobbing has developed and will poison attitudes and behaviors throughout the organization. In many cases, coworkers have only gotten to know the targeted person enough to get more rumor material but not to understand another human being. In all cases, people become targeted not by who they are but what they represent.

Given the current climate, it might be wise to have a refresher on discrimination policies and procedures coupled with a mobbing/bullying overview. The purpose of which is to remind people that all have the right to be treated with dignity and respect, without exception. People are welcome to have their opinions, preferences, and beliefs. But inciteful, disruptive attitudes have nothing to do with the job at hand and have no place at work. They should be left at the door.

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Gail Pursell Elliott, is known as the Dignity and Respect Lady and has been writing and presenting about Mobbing and Bullying since 1998. She is an expert in the field and has appeared on television, radio, and talk shows. She is the author of several books and has been writing the Bully at Work column for Workplace Violence Today since its inception. To contact Gail, visit her website at https://innovations-training.com

The Last Straw

©2023 Gail Pursell Elliott

When a workplace mass shooting is reported, I read and listen carefully to see if bullying might be a contributing factor. Recently in California, a shooter attacked two locations where he worked. He said he had been bullied by coworkers, and the last straw was when a manager handed him a bill for $100 for damage to a piece of equipment. The manager was among the victims. It was the last straw. He’d had enough.

Sometimes there is information reported which then appears to be backpedaled. There are statements made by coworkers or family members initially that disappear. If you’re not paying attention, you might miss these bits of information or in retrospect wonder what happened to them. In other cases, the information later may be denied by various sources. Often the shooter is deceased and the item cannot be verified.

The shooting in Louisville was one of these instances that I found troubling.  Initially, I saw what appeared to be a pattern of mobbing. The shooter was well educated with multiple degrees in his field. He had spent three summers as an intern at the company where he worked. He was known and knew them. He was hired and worked there for two years before the shooting. Something happened and not suddenly. There must have been some pattern of which we are not aware. The initial information stated that he was notified that he was going to be fired. For a young man with education, experience, and a track record with the bank this would be devastating. Also, people are generally not notified that they are going to be fired through normal channels. When someone is dealing with privileged information of any kind in a company, they are usually told and walked out the same day.

If someone in the company sees someone as a threat or has some sort of unaddressed conflict, they might begin setting the person up to look less competent or not fitting in. The target of a mobbing may become confused, depressed, paranoid, get counseling, the family may not know what to do to help. Their work performance may be uneven as they second guess themselves. By the time management gets involved, Phase three of the mobbing process, they may see the target as not meeting expectations. Phase four is when the target gets labeled as being difficult or mentally ill, which was developed in this case after the incident as a cause. In fact, mental illness is often pointed out as a factor in mass shootings whether in the workplace or elsewhere. Emotional abuse contributes to this kind of illness.  The perpetrator may use innuendo to suggest to the target that they are going to be fired. This may put the target over the edge, especially if the person has endured subtle abuse for an extended period of time which may be months or more.

This information that the shooter was informed that he was going to be fired was mentioned multiple times initially. The fact that the main victims of the shooting were in a staff meeting including decision makers may verify that whether or not this was true, the shooter may have believed it.  The mayor of Louisville said he did not believe that the shooter was informed he was going to be fired. What basis there was for that statement other than subjective opinion was not stated that I found.

I remember an interview partner, when writing the Mobbing book, saying that it was his whole life that these people were able to throw out. While our partner did not shoot up his workplace, there are those who have done just that. Perhaps this young man did have contributing issues that made him more vulnerable and fragile. Perhaps the belief that he was going to be fired from a job he had worked for years to achieve at a place where he wanted to be, was the last straw for him. We will never know for sure but there are those who do or did know what contributing factors there had to be in that workplace.

Quite an issue was made that the shooter was not informed that he was going to be fired. The family was told that this was not the case, along with others. Obviously, I was not the only one connecting the dots of possibility. There are cases of workplace shootings that go back to disgruntled employees who believe they are mistreated and feel desperate. There are others that happen after an employee is let go. There are still more in which desperation is acted out in suicide. Sometimes they are simultaneous.

One thing is certain. This is a tragedy. One of many that we now see, one after the other it seems. What we can do in our own workplaces is to offer help to anyone who seems to be floundering. To intercept conflict when it occurs and to follow up to see if it resurfaces in any other way. To help people succeed.

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Gail Pursell Elliott, is known as the Dignity and Respect Lady and has been writing and presenting about Mobbing and Bullying since 1998. She is an expert in the field and has appeared on television, radio, and talk shows. She is the author of several books and has been writing the Bully at Work column for Workplace Violence Today since its inception.

To contact Gail, visit her website at https://innovations-training.com

Protect With Integrity

©2023 Gail Pursell Elliott

Some of the nastiest workplace bullies don’t work there. They are customers or clients that act as if they are entitled to treat employees rudely. Some businesses have stepped up and refused to serve customers like that. Employees in restaurants and retail are subject to this often and it takes a toll. There are other businesses that have the same problem.

An investment broker I know overheard a client bullying his office staff. When the client came in to his office for their appointment, the broker said, “Your money is no longer good here. I can’t work with you.” When the shocked client asked why he said, “I heard the way you were talking to my staff. I won’t do business with you anymore.” Not every professional has that kind of integrity, but for him it was a no brainer. He treated his staff and clients with respect and did not tolerate a lack of it. The client’s behavior disgusted him, and he acted to protect his staff from it in the future.

Some businesses have signs asking patrons to be patient with their staff or to expect a wait when there is a delay. Some are understanding and others are not. A restaurant in New York banned a well-known guest for being rude and bullying toward staff.  It was reported in the media and of course that kind of publicity is not welcomed. The guest apologized but the restauranteur has not decided if the guest will be allowed to return. Another restaurant closed its doors for a couple of days and put up a sign saying that the behavior of customers necessitated some time off for the staff to recover from it.  Some customers get away with maltreatment simply because no one overhears the exchange, or the manager may only learn of it when they find the staff person in tears.

Some businesses feel they cannot close their doors like that or have to put up with big spenders who feel they can belittle, scold, or expect everyone to drop everything when they walk in the door. These employers are sending the message that this is just the way it is, and that they won’t step up to protect their employees from abuse and mistreatment. They may commiserate with staff but do nothing to intercede.

Other employers tolerate customers who tear apart displays or make messes that employees have to clean up. In hotels some of the rooms are a nightmare after someone checks out. Some are covered in filth with trash everywhere. Others have floors covered in confetti and balloons and cake ground into the carpet or smeared on the walls.  Housekeepers open the door and are incensed, overwhelmed, or begin to weep. Some take pictures with their phones and show them to management. Some guests are contacted and informed they are no longer welcome at the property. Others are not. In rare instances, some are billed, usually for damage to the room, but not for the cleanup.

These bullying instances in the service industries cause a lot of turnover as employees become frustrated, cynical, and finally have had enough. It takes some planning and paying attention to ensure that staff know their managers and supervisors have their backs when it comes to clients and customers mistreating the staff in direct or indirect ways.

When people are bullied, they have three basic needs:

1. To be believed
2. To be validated
3. To have recourse

If you have a mobbing or bullying policy, it should apply not only to staff but also to clients and customers. Employees need to know that they are safe from abuse in the workplace whether it is from coworkers or customers. It has to do with dignity and respect and can go a long way to keep employees who are stressed by both personal and professional demands.

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Gail Pursell Elliott, is known as the Dignity and Respect Lady and has been writing and presenting about Mobbing and Bullying since 1998. She is an expert in the field and has appeared on television, radio, and talk shows. She is the author of several books and has been writing the Bully at Work column for Workplace Violence Today since its inception. To contact Gail, visit her website at https://innovations-training .com

Untenable

©2022 Gail Pursell Elliott

When I first learned about workplace Mobbing in 1997, one of the most striking statistics in Dr. Leymann’s research was that between ten and twenty percent of all the suicides in Sweden could be directly attributed to being mobbed at work. By 2019, the Bureau of Labor Statistics data reported that in the US, workplace suicides had reached an all time high. How many of these can be attributed to bullying or mobbing behavior is unknown. What is known is that mental health issues have increased in the following years during and after Covid.

Despite the need for employees in many companies, the proliferation of untenable work situations continues to be an issue. In some organizations there seems to be a disconnect between what the company says it offers in terms of work environment and employee supports and what employees say is the reality of their day to day experiences in the workplace. In some workplaces, employees experience increased pressure due to staffing shortages, additional responsibilities, deadline demands, and threats of termination if expectations are not met. Verbal and emotional abuse are almost a daily occurrence with staff sometimes leaving at the end of the day shaking and in tears.  I have worked with organizations that have policies and guidelines that just are not followed but may be used as justification when asked about incidents of bullying in the workplace.  To say that we have a policy addressing that does not mean it is not happening.

Last month a workplace suicide occurred when a young employee in her second trimester of pregnancy was fired when she fell asleep on the job. Instead of walking her out as was required, the manager told her to go to the restroom to collect herself and left her alone and did not check on her. Later her body was found in another area of the facility. After the announcement of her death, several employees spoke to the news outlet Guardian anonymously, fearing retaliation. They told of a stressful, overloaded work environment, verbal abuse by supervisors, and unsanitary working conditions.

Civility and treating people with dignity and respect are crucial in a pressured work environment. Remembering that employees are human beings first and deserve to be treated as such, without bullying or verbal and emotional abuse can alleviate even the trauma of termination. It also can improve productivity and teamwork when staff is short and expectations increase. The adversary is a situation to be solved by joining together, by listening and responding to concerns like sanitation, abusive communication, lack of appreciation, or being told that one is not good enough no matter how hard they try.

Ethical guidelines and codes of conduct often get lost or may be misinterpreted by supervisors who also are pressured by insufficient staff and what has to be accomplished. They may fall into autocratic habits of communication. I presented a program on Civility and Ethics recently and participants shared the need for civility and ethical conduct particularly since the attempt to return to normalcy after Covid. Attitudes on the part of returning staff and those who remained during the pandemic to keep things going were flashpoints in terms of communication, teamwork, and mutual appreciation. Factionalism was rampant. All of these set the stage for workplace mobbing, which can do damage not only to employees but the future of the organization as a whole.

In our fractured and complicated times, where violence has become more prevalent and reactionary, it is mandatory that we take a look at our own environments and how we respond to situations and others. Our survival depends upon it, both personally and professionally. There are many kind, caring, and generous people in our communities, workplaces, and our world. These behaviors are worth emulating in the workplace and elsewhere.

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Gail Pursell Elliott is co-author of the book Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace which introduced the topic of workplace mobbing to the United States in 1999.  Since then, she has written many articles about mobbing, bullying, and emotional abuse whether in workplaces or in schools. She has been a guest on national news, local news, and radio programs as an expert on mobbing, bullying, and violence. Gail has experience working with both for profit and not-for-profit organizations, cities, counties, state and federal government agencies, school districts, universities, and associations.  She would be honored to work with your organization. Contact through her website:

 innovations-training.com

Bullying and Senior Citizens

© 2022 Gail Pursell Elliott

Bullying is alive and well among senior citizens in retirement communities, convalescent homes, assisted living communities and more. Residents may be bullied by staff or by other residents, and subjected to such behaviors as isolation, intimidation, humiliation, and other forms of emotional abuse.

Overtly intimidating behaviors associated with workplace bullying and the subtle behaviors constituting mobbing negatively impact patient care, safety, and create risk situations. While most health care professionals enter the field for altruistic reasons and have a strong interest in caring for and helping other human beings, the presence of intimidating and disruptive behaviors in an organization not only erodes professional behavior but also creates an unhealthy or even hostile work environment.

Since Covid, staffing in long term care facilities has been just as tenuous as other industries and with a greater impact since their focus is on the health, welfare, and safety of their residents. Staff burnout impacts teamwork, trust, and motivation. An influx of temporary staff adds to the chaos, due to workers unfamiliar with the environment, the residents, and the workflow.

Residents can bully other residents to the point that their targets become fearful. One case involved an elderly woman who berated a younger resident in an independent living facility until the family finally had a no contact order served on the bully. The bully eventually moved to another facility but obviously didn’t understand or care about how her rudeness was impacting the other resident. This did not go unseen, but management didn’t intercept or attempt to resolve the situation before it went that far.

Incidents of staff scolding, or threatening residents have occurred and when the resident told family, the facility representative denied it or suggested that the resident was getting forgetful or implied that they were lying. Other residents were humiliated by staff when incontinent in a common area.

Whether staff or resident, any target of bullying or mobbing needs to be believed, they need validation, and some mechanism for recourse. Issues need to be investigated and rather than admonishment, often some retraining or options put in place. Remember that the target above all wants the behavior to stop and to be treated like a human being. Gossip about a resident engineered to encourage others to join in must be nipped in the bud. Education and open communication is key.

Some of the outcomes of peer rejection, caregiver rejection, or friendlessness are

• Excluded by others
• Treated as if invisible
• Left out
• Ridiculed
• Fear of rejection/ridicule
• Poor or lost social skills
• Loneliness
• Withdraws

These are especially serious in a long-term care facility where the residents are essentially trapped.

” Over time, loneliness can destroy an individual’s ability to do something as banal as conducting a conversation with other people, which, by its very nature, has a self-perpetuating effect. Early intervention is therefore paramount.” – The Mary Foundation

Many states have abuse and neglect of Seniors laws and statutes, a department of inspections and appeals that issue licenses and follow up on abuse reports, but the subtle emotional abuse of humiliation, intimidation, and similar behaviors are not so often addressed. These often do not apply to independent living facilities or are more stringent in the area of skilled care where residents are subject to falls, bedsores, and other issues. Even in these areas, residents asking to see the doctor and being told they will be in next week, then suffering a medical crisis, is not documented, or recorded as neglect, which it is.

When these issues are viewed as bullying and addressed as such, organizations can go a long way in improving care and helping staff remember their professional responsibilities to one another as well as residents. When the end product is a human life, recognizing and intercepting bullying becomes even more critical.

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Gail Pursell Elliott is co-author of the book Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace which introduced the topic of workplace mobbing to the United States in 1999.  Since then, she has written many articles about mobbing, bullying, and emotional abuse whether in workplaces or in schools. She has been a guest on national news, local news, and radio programs as an expert on mobbing, bullying, and violence. Gail has experience working with both for profit and not-for-profit organizations, cities, counties, state and federal government agencies, school districts, universities, and associations.  She would be honored to work with your organization. Contact through her website:

 innovations-training.com

When the Workplace is a Church

©2022 Gail Pursell Elliott

Churches can be hotbeds of Mobbing and Bullying behavior. Ministers can be targets or perpetrators as well as board and committee members. Over the years I have been contacted by clergy who are being mobbed, set up, or ostracized for any number of reasons by congregates. I’ve not encountered anything as blatant as the mayor in the film Chocolat, who wrote the sermons for the young priest based on his own interpretation of spirituality, but some of the incidents encountered or observed have been both subtle and egregious.

Most modern churches operate as nonprofit businesses, with a board of directors and a variety of voluntary committees responsible for finance, Sunday school, children’s activities, worship services, the sanctuary, outreach, coffees, suppers, and more. Groups of people like these are bound to have differing viewpoints, pecking orders, and other dynamics that can be ripe for mobbing and bullying to emerge. They also have employees to staff the office, clean, and maintain the building and grounds.  Employees may be hired by the board, but their salaries are budgeted by the finance committee, and their duties and responsibilities may be split between the needs of several entities. This can trigger conflicts and misunderstandings that can escalate if not quickly resolved. Voluntary boards, regardless of the type of organization, are notorious for political problems and personal agendas of which the membership may be unaware.

Some incidents:

1.   A new member donates the money to complete the church’s new roof, asking the minister to keep his donation anonymous.  The minister agrees. The following Sunday, the person next to him whispers, “you know, you can’t buy your way into heaven.” The new member never went back.

2.  A minister’s adult child committed suicide. After the memorial services, a member of the finance committee was approached by another member to stay and meet to talk about how to force the minister out. The person was appalled and said so.

While not every day occurrences, these incidents are indicative of mobbing and bullying in places where expectations conflict with this type of behavior.  Like other established groups, some congregations can be flexible while others are not, some friendly and welcoming, others more reserved.  Of course, rumors can be rampant but also can be squelched by empathetic and compassionate responses rather than spread and embellished. This is a good way to stop mobbing in its tracks.

As in other workplaces, insight and awareness play a major role in minimizing this dynamic which can undercut the mission and work of the organization. Education about what Mobbing looks like, sounds like, and feels like is important as well as examples of how it happens. Better ways of handling conflicts can be addressed. When working with church groups, I have found that members are largely open and receptive to both workplace and school mobbing information. As well as identifying issues within their congregations, they have brainstormed ways they can share their insights with others in the community, sometimes just by example.

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Gail Pursell Elliott is co-author of the book Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace which introduced the topic of workplace mobbing to the United States in 1999.  Since then, she has written many articles about mobbing, bullying, and emotional abuse whether in workplaces or in schools. She has been a guest on national news, local news, and radio programs as an expert on mobbing, bullying, and violence. Gail has experience working with both for profit and not-for-profit organizations, cities, counties, state and federal government agencies, school districts, universities, and associations.  She would be honored to work with your organization. Contact through her website:

 innovations-training.com

The Drive-by Bully

©2022 Gail Pursell Elliott

While drive-by shooters fire bullets, the drive-by bully fires words.  These people are well versed at intimidation and can leave others feeling hurt, confused, and without real recourse. They may wield a certain amount of power whether by status or influence. They are characterized by a focus on superficiality and a seeming lack of conscience.

Socially and politically savvy, they maneuver themselves into positions of authority by identifying who the decision makers are and befriending those who may be able to benefit them. Anyone who represents a threat to their interests, regardless of their position, or who pulls attention away from them becomes a short-term target. This is part of a mobbing strategy. Like drive-by shooters, their verbal shots are unexpected, occasional, and leave targets feeling wary.

While Mobbers often like to stir the soup and stand back to watch the action, the drive-by bully will befriend the target, paying attention, engaging in pleasant conversation with loaded questions designed to making the person feel off balance, or gleaning information to be used later. The phrase “knowledge is power” describes them well. When they’ve got what they want, the conversation is unexpectedly ended, and the target blown off.

They may act kind and benevolent but only if there is some way to showcase themselves. They may give an inappropriate gift to someone or bring chocolate cupcakes for someone’s birthday after being told privately that the target is allergic to chocolate, then act offended when their kindness is rejected. They will use words like pathetic instead of sad when responding to personal issue. Word choices while not inappropriate are those that belittle rather than empathize.

Drive-by Behaviors:

Choices of words are belittling

Snickering at someone’s misfortune

Veiled put-downs

Off handed remarks

Giving an inappropriate or thoughtless gift

Socially/Politically savvy

Mobber – remarks and behaviors engineered to isolate and exclude beneath surface benevolence.

Narcistic – friendly when they want something

These people also love to gossip, will snicker at someone’s misfortune, or engage in veiled put-downs such as, “some men are attracted to fat girls”, “there they are in all their finery”, and similar remarks. Their rumors are frequently personal in nature and imply more than accuse.  They embarrass the target and leave little room for recourse or correction.

This form of mobbing has the effect of demoralizing targeted individuals and is motivated by jealousy, greed, and a need for recognition and acknowledgement.  There is a reluctance to appear happy for someone else’s success without undercutting it in some way. This is an ingrained personality issue and while ramped up towards a target, will be a habitual communication pattern over time.  The important thing to remember is that staff who recognize the behavior will shy away from interaction unless they must and will be looking for alternative positions whether in the company or somewhere else. This form of bullying is correctable but slow and is dependent upon personal insight and awareness presented by someone who is respected by the perpetrator. It also must be presented in an impersonal manner.

In cases where the organization has recognized this type of bully as a liability, they have quickly removed and walked out the individual while attempting to rehabilitate the targets to try to save valuable staff. This has worked in some cases. In others, the targets have experienced long term, emotional damage. The collateral damage of those who copied the behavior or bought in to the gossip, impacted the teamwork long after the bully was gone. Behavioral damage control often was not implemented but is strongly recommended for team healing.

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Gail Pursell Elliott is co-author of the book Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace which introduced the topic of workplace mobbing to the United States in 1999.  Since then, she has written many articles about mobbing, bullying, and emotional abuse whether in workplaces or in schools. She has been a guest on national news, local news, and radio programs as an expert on mobbing, bullying, and violence. Gail has experience working with both for profit and not-for-profit organizations, cities, counties, state and federal government agencies, school districts, universities, and associations.  She would be honored to work with your organization. Contact through her website: innovations-training.com

Bullied Compliance

©2022 Gail Pursell Elliott

“I don’t care what they told you at Orientation. If you want to get along here, this is how we do things.”

“You over there, slow down. You’re going to up the quota for everyone if you don’t.”

New employees in some workplaces start with enthusiasm, wanting to do their best and to follow the rules. Then they learn if they want to survive, they had better compromise to blend in with the mainstream staff. If not, they are in for a hassle. Some of these employees won’t last long and may start looking for another job soon after they begin.  Others will capitulate and become part of the group. Still others will try to stay true to their values and do their best while being subjected to ridicule, social isolation, or worse.

These departments may operate relatively smoothly. Not because of management but because of a mentality of enforced mediocrity. There are usually a couple of ring leaders who set the tone for what is happening. These employees often believe they are doing the right thing. They are a kind of fraternity or sorority. There is a hazing process for belonging and woe betide anyone who tries to shake it up. This incudes supervisors or managers who may begin looking at improving quality services, introducing a new mandate, or increasing productivity but wind up getting chewed up and spit out by the department which just goes on as before. If you have a department that has turnover in newer staff or managers, take a look at the inner dynamic.

There are options available when confronted with this type of mobbing.  One is to just leave well enough alone, watch carefully who is placed there as a new employee so that they will fit in with the camaraderie mentality or acceptance of mediocrity that exists.  (Good enough is not necessarily good.) If this seems ridiculous, placating the anarchists, it is something actually done by management who believe the current employment market demands tolerance of it. They don’t want to lose the people they have in place.

Another option is to get together with staff and find out what is going on. Exit interviews with people who leave rapidly after hire can be informative if you have the chance to do so. Some may just not show up to work and disappear. A current rumor is that they leave to get back on unemployment, so they don’t have to work. This is ludicrous.  Most people do want to work, but want to be where they are wanted, needed, appreciated, have a chance to do their best, and of course treated with Dignity and Respect. That may sound idealistic, but for most of us it is true.

Rather than establishing goals without consulting current staff for input, consider asking staff what they think and really listening without judging their responses. Be prepared for the standard pushback from perpetrators that this is micro managing. Everything is going fine. What’s the big deal? Try to erase the us and them mentality involved in power struggles beginning with your own. Your response can be open and honest about your concerns and reiterate the importance of input from everyone.

What do we need to improve? Why are people leaving? Can we get past the status quo? What is possible?  Opening communication can be messy but can result in more consistency and a stronger trust base. When people trust you, you will have the information you need to affect the tone in the department. Feedback and ongoing dialogue are essential. The most important unspoken message conveyed is that someone is paying attention. This alone can bring about some of the results needed without going further.

*****

Gail Pursell Elliott is co-author of the book Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace which introduced the topic of workplace mobbing to the United States in 1999.  Since then, she has written many articles about mobbing, bullying, and emotional abuse whether in workplaces or in schools. She has been a guest on national news, local news, and radio programs as an expert on mobbing, bullying, and violence. Gail has experience working with both for profit and not-for-profit organizations, cities, counties, state and federal government agencies, school districts, universities, and associations.  She would be honored to work with your organization. Contact through her website:

 innovations-training.com

When the Bully is at Home

©2021 Gail Pursell Elliott

When domestic violence spills into the workplace, it puts everyone at risk, just as Mobbing does.

There have been cases of workplace violence when the perpetrator is not a current or former employee but a family member of the target. Sometimes the target’s situation is obvious. Sometimes it is not. It depends upon whether the employee is good at masking what is going on.

If a staff member comes in to work late sporting a black eye, it should clearly be a red flag for most supervisors. There is only so much that an employer can do to help someone without crossing the line but providing options and offering assistance is always appropriate. A couple of things that are not appropriate, even if you know the family personally, are insisting that the employee get help and contacting the alleged abuser.  Resist the temptation of being a counselor. Leave that to people trained to do so.

One case in which an employee did show up to work late, with a black eye and other bruises, was reported to a manager by coworkers who were aware of the situation.  The manager sat down with the employee and let her know that there were options available, asked if time off was needed, and said if the employee chose to take her children to visit family out of state that her job would be waiting for her when she returned. It is important not to pry and not to be judgmental or offer unsolicited advice but to be supportive.

Emotional abuse does not leave visible bruises, but indicators are there. Just as in Mobbing, if there is a change in the quantity or quality of work, if the person seems distracted, becomes acutely aware of the time, or becomes habitually late or increases calling off, these are red flags that should be addressed with concern. The person may spend an inordinate amount of time on the phone or texting. If these are changes to the person’s behavior pay close attention. If the person trusts you, you may get more information but not always. Again, your position is to be supportive and offer options, even if is a change of shift or adjustments to the demands of the job. Safety should take priority over production in these cases.

Covid quarantines and related issues have resulted in a higher number of mental health issues and domestic abuse or violence incidents. Even though many have returned to work, the aftereffects that change relationships both in and out of the workplace have remained. Just as we have policies to address bullying at work, policies addressing domestic violence are becoming increasingly prevalent in companies as well as in several states, such as Missouri, where legislation involving job secure leave mandates have been recently enacted. Having a policy regarding how your company handles and supports employees, complete with procedures and training is something that is becoming critical. Employees being pushed out or disciplined for being victims does occur. They get mobbed or bullied out of the workplace. This can happen when the employer believes that the safety and security of fellow employees and others is compromised by the employee’s abuser or choose to address the changes in work performance and attitude by removing the employee from the mix. This is a poor choice and may have repercussions.

If you do not have a policy or procedure the following links should be helpful:

https://www.lawschool.cornell.edu/academics/experiential-learning/clinical-program/gender-justice-clinic/domestic-violence-and-the-workplace-model-policy-and-toolkit/

Click to access DV%20Employer’s%20guidance%20FINAL%20Update%203%20-%20SafeLives%20rebranded.pdf

Although the contact information in this second link is for the UK, it can be used as a guide to create your own local contact sheet. The succinct training information format is also a good example.

OSHA and your municipal public health departments may have guidelines and more information for you as well.

Keep in mind that the workplace may be the only place the employee feels safe or supported. It is a good idea to provide information and easy access to places and phone numbers where assistance can be found. Giving someone a website for EAP is not enough. It takes little time to walk someone through it but if you don’t have that kind of time or knowledge, provide someone who does. An abuser may stalk the victim at work, harass co-workers, or come to the workplace. This topic falls under the area of Behavioral Risk Management and again it can put more than just the employee at risk.

*****

Gail Pursell Elliott is co-author of the book Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace which introduced the topic of workplace mobbing to the United States in 1999.  Since then, she has written many articles about mobbing, bullying, and emotional abuse whether in workplaces or in schools. She has been a guest on national news, local news, and radio programs as an expert on mobbing, bullying, and violence. Gail has experience working with both for profit and not-for-profit organizations, cities, counties, state and federal government agencies, school districts, universities, and associations.  She would be honored to work with your organization. Contact through her website:

 innovations-training.com